he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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