were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
