I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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