I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
