three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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