Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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