Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
