So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
