No period for spring break; use this wisely.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
