So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
