i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
