C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
