The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
