i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
