I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
