im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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