Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
