Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
