my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
