Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
