good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
