Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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