she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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