My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
