you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
