Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
