the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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