We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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