Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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