Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
