he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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