It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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