I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize