I faked an abortion last night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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