the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You made out with two different species that night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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