i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
