my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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