Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
