I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
