After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
