I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
