Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
