Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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