But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
