you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
