It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
