i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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