hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
