Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
birth control should be required to get into college
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
