I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
