I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
