in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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