I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
