yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm both gender and math confused
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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