lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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