I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
