i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
