I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize