She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
