needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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