dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
